Friday, November 20, 2009

oceans eleven was a lie.

Ok so I am not sure if I should give u the long story or the short one.. let’s try a mix of both n the times I want to give u the full detail I will, other times will just get to the point.

So Friday back from the job.. u know was flirting with the idea of going out but knew chillin in my boxers and a t-shirt doin my favorite pass time will be highly unlikely.. I was surfin the net.. readin up on t-shirt business and in the same breadth schoolin myself on the step by step how to make pizza on the grill. (hopefully one day u may see another blog of me rambling on how my lil restaurant is going)

Anyway so back to my ocean’s eleven.. maybe I should give u some flash backs in quick recaps..

moved apts.

back door was wood

changed it to metal-

thot I was safer

door n installation budget was almost double the door cost. Kinda like u buy a standard door but the old door frame is smaller so what do u do?? U break the wall down…

well that was done and I was feelin all sexy wit myself little did I know the door had it in for me. So back to last nite.. was on a small gen cuz no electricity.. I got a call sayin we are back in the matrix.. power was back ..paused my pizza 101 utube vid, left the candles burning and scents( the place has to smell fresh)…

walked outside in boxers and my legend tee..

keepin it ns classic..

switched off the gen

about to walk back in thru the back door.. the door wasn’t opening.. I am thinkin naaaaa lol this is just a quick bs.. I push on the door.. the shit aint opening.. at this point I am sobering up.. I push harder and bang on the handle thinkin a bolt probably turned on itself and the door locked partially..

door no open.. now I am getting worried..i bang some more and nothing. This is naija, its not like u can just call a lock smith.. and I knew there was no way I could get in without breakin something..

we run to the front door.. (u know how u pray u didn’t do something but u no duh! u did it.. like maybe hidin ur passport under the bed and u r at the airport hoping u hid it in ur suitcase and u cross ur fingers to check)… well yeah so I ran to the front door knowin I didn’t lock it but I sure as hell put 2 bolts behind the door, so there was no way around that. I go back around at this point I had called the gate man and his friend to help me think of solutions.. so I am walkin around the place and one thing about naijas houses is they are almost built like prisons… they can shut the wrong ppl out as in thieves, but in barricading urself inside u r also in danger of what if shit pops off inside and u want to get out quick or maybe ur door locks randomly... how do u get back in…

Anyway so the door isn’t opening.. I am in my boxers, mosquitoes I have avoided for wks are now tastin my blood.. so I think ok the door couldn’t have locked with the key.. its some small knob underneath it that must have twisted slightly.. ok if we can open the kitchen window and get a stick and a mirror I am sure we will be able to get it open and all will be well in the land of ns..

this is where oceans eleven and other dumb ass movies lied to us all…

hanger check . .

metal hanger check..

mirror check.

Long wood check…

metal rod check. ( back up to the hanger and long wood)

Helpin hands check.

So we are outside tryin to jack bauer the door.. mirror in one hand thru the burglary proof and wood in the other tryin to move the knob just a little… so we are at this for a good 50 mins rotating hands each hopin to claim the price of satisfaction .. we got very close but no luck.. ok imagine takin the wrong exit in a direction and thinking hmm maybe this will work… and u spend hrs on the new journey and upon getting to what looks like ur destination.. u find out it’s the identical building in the wrong town.. (not sure what my point is but in dumb down French the shit wasn’t working.. and brains weren’t meant to function while lookin thru mirrors.. everythin was just opposite..

before I skip to plan B.. somewhere in my imaginative mind I was hoping someone just opens the door from the inside.. like someone I didn’t even know was around or like a maid I don’t have or maybe my bro in MD… lmao.. I don’t know but hope n imagination are terrible feelings.. my mind was just playin scenarios of lookin back and sayin that was a close one…but I had no solutions and even if I could imagine lets say halle sayin" oh dear u locked urself out.. ok ma bi nu.. u should have woken me up now"…. Well all that could have happened but don’t know how an imaginary person could have opened an actual door

So plan B We had to break something (n pls don’t talk about havin extra keys with someone… I am tellin u the bolts in the front door were locked.. not the keys .. and the back door wasn’t jammed with a key either so no key could have saved me.)

Back to breakin something .. So what can we break and get away with.. this is where I leave u with pictures and thank God for small ppl ....cuz ppl cant get in thru small places ..

see that little knob below the key thats what some how turned on its master :(

hanger, wood and not sure where the rod is now.. but yeah this was the first plan.. and this pic was taken the morning after.. i would have been a total moron if i was busy takin pics yesterday talkin about oh shit ama blog this.... na mehn i was very sober my ppl... ask iyabs she will tell u

ok thats the kitchen window. the plan was get mirror in one hand .. get rod and try to turn small knob.. u can see parts of the wall that was broken to install the door :(

outside shot.. window was open and we were tryin to work in the opposite direction to open the door with a mirror

what we eventually ended up doing.. big iron said hello to small iron

how the small man finally got it.. thank God i just moved in and still workin my way thru the rooms.. cuz this would have either been permanently closed up or ac installed.
so thats it folks. what a nite...
ns loves u more but hates dumb ass manufacturers that havent made a fool proof door :)
much love